Episode 91. Ford Scorpio. P373 TGK. (Part 4).

To be honest I think I've lost my mojo with the Scorpio at the moment, I'm just not enjoying it, and infact I've not even bothered to re-tax it when the tax ran out on it at the end of last month. I think that half the trouble is that when I got it, it was a little bit scruffy around the edges, but now it just looks downright tatty. Tracking down a bumper for it is proving to be more than a little difficult. 

Some of this is my own fault. I have been pointed in the direction of several bumpers, however, nobody will send them to me via a courier. This is because Ford in their wisdom or otherwise decided to make them out of the most brittle material known to man. Therefore when sent via courier they have a habit of turning up like a thousand piece jigsaw puzzle! So you can't really blame the seller for not wanting to pop them in the post! So that just leaves one option, I have to go and get it myself. So far the nearest one to me has been about a three and a half hour drive, or a seven to eight hour round trip, and this in itself is not that much of a problem. The problem is that I never seem to have that amount of time to myself. However I am hoping that with the school summer holidays approaching I might be able to take a day off and take my two little monsters on a road trip to collect a bumper for the Scorpio.

Even though I havn't been successful in finding a bumper I figured that I could atleast get that damaged tyre changed.

I'm not a fan of this wheel design, and so I thought the best thing I could do, is not just get a new tyre fitted, but to get a different set of wheels for it. Although the bay of E was being a bit fruitless for Scorpio rear bumpers, for wheels with a pcd of 4x108mm the world really was my Blue Öyster. I didn't want to go down the massive diameter wheel route, I wanted something standard(ish). What I had in mind was a set of wheels from an Escort Cosworth, this thought was very swiftly removed from my mind when I saw the sort of money they sell for! Although I wanted something standard(ish) I didn't really want some standard Scorpio wheels. For a while I toyed with the idea of having some pcd adapters made up so that I could fit a set of five spokes from a Focus, but in the end I gave that idea up as it seemed like extra faff! But then a set of five Valbrem 931 alloy wheels showed up on the bay of E that had been fitted to a Ford Sierra show car. The guy selling them was hyper critical of them in his advert where he stated that two of the wheels are slightly marked on the  face due to a tyre fitter scoring rims. It's true they did have some minor marking on a couple of the rims, but really, they are pretty damn good. Certainly good enough for my playworn looking Scorpio, infact, probably too good if the truth be known! Anyway, I liked the look of these wheels far more than I like the look of the standard Scorpio wheels, and as they look a little bit like the Escort Costworth wheels, and the seller was less that 12 miles from BelongaClint I bought them, then took the Daewoo for a run to collect them!

I know, not an exact copy of the Escort Cosworth wheel, but close enough in my eyes, and certainly better than what I've already got! So as I was excited to be doing atleast something to improve the looks of the Scorpio, once home I got my jack out, and started to get the car off the ground. With the damaged oe wheel removed, I got ready to offer up the new Valbrem wheel, and thats when nature decided that I needed a brief interlude, and sent me a little reminder to take a break! As I took the oe wheel off, and dumped in on the ground I suddenly noticed a couple of these nasty little fellas...

Clearly not a fan of me working on my car, they were pretty damn angry, and were buzzing around me in protest! I carried on but as more and more came I decided to make a run for it, dropped everything, and made a run for the safety of the Daewoo. I watched for fifteen minutes or so until there appeared to be no angry little Wasps buzzing around by the back of the Scorpio. I gingerly headed back to put on the wheel, but no sooner had I got there, and they were out again, buzzing angrily around me. I ran back to the safety of the Daewoo, and watched once again as the number of airbourne Wasps dwindled. Once I thought they had gone I decided to give it an extra ten minutes before having another go! Finally, ten minutes had passed without seeing a single Wasp, so I figured it was probably safe to have another go... WRONG!! I stood by the back of the Daewoo making sure that there were no Wasps left in the air when suddenly this wasp came from Behind my Scorpio some twenty meters away, headed straight for me, and stung me on the eyebrow!! OUCH!! Ouch, ouch, ouch, OUCH!!!! Cheese 'n' rice that hurt!! What a little bar steward!! That was it for me, I left all my tools out, and headed for home! I had heard that Wasps have a particular disliking for mint, and so, on the way home I popped into the supermarket to pick up some of this stuff...

Now it says on the bottle that they've crammed 7,927 real mint leaves into their fully recyclable bottle, and that this super refreshing pack will definitely leave you tingling. I thought to myself 7,927 real mint leaves eh?.. That should keep those damn Jaspers at bay! I lept into the shower, my eyebrow still burning from the sting of the Wasp! I started at the top and washed my head, face, neck, back, chest, belly, and so far it was pretty good. I felt that those damn Wasps wouldn't come near me now, the minty fresh smell permeated the air, and cleared my sinus' to the point that I actually wondered if I was breathing through my ears too! So far so good, at this point I was relishing in my new found showering experience. But it was at that point that my wonderful showering experience took a sharp turn for the worse. As I passed my belly on the way towards my feet I started to wash my Gentlemans vegetables, and it was then it happened! Holy cow... LITTLE CLINT WAS ON FIRE!! Actually For a moment, I wasn’t entirely sure what had happened, I couldn't decide if he was on fire or being frozen! I grabbed the bottle and squinted furiously at the tiny writing on the back to look at the ingredients list to see if it contained some sort of antiseptic alcohol or something. It did not, but there was a teeny tiny warning though. It said, "KEEP AWAY FROM EYES." Keep away from eyes? To be honest, my eyes were the least of my problems right now, I'd actually even forgotton about the Wasp sting! With Little Clint still undecided if he was on fire, or being frozen I frantically scrubbed at him, which if anything was probably making matters worse! I kept thinking about the bottle claiming its 7,929 tingling mint leaves! Tingling? TINGLING?! This wasn’t tingling Little Clint, it was torturing the poor little fella! It was at that point that I decided that I didn't need to be minty all over. I glanced at the thousands of different lotions and potions that Mrs Clint seems to need when she showers... Flash with bleach?.. Crikey how dirty is that woman? Best not use that, my feeling is that will just make matters worse! Seriously, why do women need so many different things in the shower, I'm in a hurry here! Ah, here we go Nivea indulgent moisture Coconut shower cream! I squirted a big dollop into my hand and started to rub it in... Ahh... And relax! The fire was out! Once my eyes had stopped watering I continued down my legs to my feet with the mint stuff, carefully making sure that any delicate areas of my body didn't get to experience the torture that 7,927 real mint leaves can inflict!

With my shower experience finished I thought I'd have a bite to eat before heading back out to get the wheels swapped on the Scorpio. Once I'd devoured a sandwich or two I thought I'd bravely head back to the Scorpio, it was cooler now outside, and I hoped that combined with my new minty smell the Wasps would keep away. It seemed to work, there were no Wasps in sight, and before long I had gone from this...

To this...

Which I think looks a whole lot better, and possibly just a tad Mk1 Mondeo estate! But I like it. However, the tyres although for the most part are in quite good condition with a lot of tread on them are by all accounts twenty years old! My feeling is that for that twenty years they've probably spent the majority of that time inside, and out of direct sunlight. Therefore they're probably ok, but they're the wrong profile, it's going to need taller rubber on those wheels to fill the arches properly! So I'm not going to be driving it like this other than to the tyre shop half a mile away from BelongaClint.

Anyone with any sense would have pumped the tyres up while they were off the car and in the back of the Daewoo so that when they put them on the car they were fully inflated. But not me, I'd rather put them on the car then struggle with my knackered foot pump, this took 500 pumps per tyre to get them to this point! But I do think they look rather good though, and hopefully this is the beginning of my mojo for the Scorpio returning!

I do however still have one question burning relentlessly inside me... How the heck do they get 7,927 real mint leaves into every 250ml bottle?